Q & A: My Tween Daughter and I Don’t Agree on Clothing Styles

Hi,

I’m a mom who is struggling with an 11 years old daughter who will soon be in middle school with no uniforms!!  She loves Aeropostal (which I hated, it looks trashy).  At this age they don’t want to wear childish clothing and everything I purchase, she is not open to.  I love Nordstrom, Saks Off 5th, Last call, Marshalls and TJ Maxx.  I saw some of your choices, but many of them are ‘too teen’ and she is “in between”
I’ll appreciate any suggestion and congrats for a great blog! I’m following you on FB.

Thanks,
Mom of 11-Year Old Girl

Dear Mom of 11-Year OId Girl:

Thanks for writing and thank you for following my blog and Facebook page!
This is a very good question.

This is a tough age –but a great age! 🙂 I do remember 11 VERY well. This is the age where I was really finding my own sense of style. This is the beginning stages as well as the age where very few moms and girls​ agree on clothing choices. It can also be a great time to remember back to when you were this age, and what your style was like, in relation to your mother’s. My mom and I were DEFINITELY NOT on the same page when it came to style (and we still aren’t – aside from our mutual love of vintage dresses). Age 11 is generally that last year when a girl is a girl, instead of the early budding of a young woman.  This is where life begins to get more complicated, and beautiful.

I think a nice compromise can be made between mom’s and daughters. I also believe that speaking openly and kindly is key in this area. My mother was always very good about being frank with me. If shorts or a skirt were too short, she would explain to me WHY this was not a good idea. Her reasons weren’t “because I said so” or, “it’s trashy”, because I couldn’t reason with that. All I could see were my favorite pop stars wearing these things and me, being the girl I was, wanted to dress, act and be the same way as my “role models”. So, in order to make a good, healthy compromise, I think it’s important to express your concerns in a way that doesn’t instill fear, but empowers your girl to understand her worth.

This is also a VERY great age for her to begin finding who she is, and what she likes. It’s likely that she is just moving with the current and going along with what everyone else is wearing. :/ But it’s also an awesome time for her to broaden her horizons and shop in places that are totally different. Depending on where you live, you may be able to find some super cool shops with an eclectic mix of designers and styles. Who knows, she may end up finding out that she loves the Parisian style? 🙂

Take a look at brands such as Stella McCartney Kids. Yes, it’s pricey. But oh, so fun and funky. And a great way to explore other styles and brands that aren’t “mall store” brands. Stretching beyond fast fashion or what we see on a daily basis is what starts to create our personal style. Look at Pinterest, and see what others collect from various styles and emerging trends. I have a Girls Tween Fashion Pinterest board that highlights artistic fashion as well as the latest runways for girls fashions. I find places online such as this to be very inspiring.

As far as shopping and stores are concerned, if you are not OK with the teen brands such as Hollister and Aeropostale, maybe you could meet in the middle with PS from Aeropostale, Uniqlo or even United Colors of Benetton.

If you love Nordstrom and Neiman Marcus Last Call, other notable shops with classy, sophisticated apparel for an 11-year old may include Barney’s Kids or Barney’s Warehouse as well as Bloomingdales.

I hope this helps, and I wish you and your daughter all the best during this wonderful, magical age! It can be tough sometimes… but don’t forget to celebrate! 🙂

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